Waiting

I love this season of singleness and everything God is teaching me, but I have moments of panic. I’m still very young (24 in a few months) but there are times when I think… What if I never meet the right person? What if I’m alone forever? It doesn’t help when people say, “Oh, you’re done with college now… When are you going to settle down and get married?”

While I’ve never been in a rush to get down the aisle, I’ve already experienced independence and know I can take care of myself. I’ve spent the past 3 years living alone, paying my own bills, paying off tuition, and supporting myself (other than my cell phone bill– thanks mom and dad!). As much as I love this freedom, my life is about: me, me, me. I come and go when I please. I spend my paychecks on myself. I can do whatever I want… but the deep desire of my heart is to love and serve someone else.

I’ve spent time praying over this anxiety for the past couple of weeks. I don’t think it’s uncommon for singles to feel a bit overwhelmed during the time between graduating college and getting married. The world constantly tells us that we need human love and commitment to be fulfilled. Recently, it hit me… If my priority is to find another person, I will never be satisfied. My satisfaction needs to come from God alone. But what should we do while waiting for God to bring our dreams into fruition? How do we drown out the voices that say we’re not good enough on our own?

What to do While Waiting on God’s Plan

1. Spend time with God. Even if you do find a wonderful partner, there will be times when he or she disappoint you. God’s love never fails. Spending time in the Bible and prayer will give you confidence and peace about His faithfulness.

2. Do what you love. When I do things I love– running, swimming, writing, drawing, taking pictures– I feel God’s pleasure. We’re given passions for a reason and developing these gifts allows God to use us. I think the best use of our lives is serving God with whatever He’s given us. Rather than coveting someone else’s talents, we should invest our energy into discovering and developing our own God-given passions.

3. Invest yourself in others. Carlos Rodriguez says it best in his poem titled I Sought My Soul. “I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother, and I found all three.”

4. Try something new. Get excited about your life! If there’s something you’ve always wanted to try– try it. Don’t wait for someone else to give you permission to be excited about your future. We were created to live and love fully. It is written, “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)

5. Don’t compromise. In the past, I’ve entered some relationships out of loneliness and fear. These were not bad men, but we weren’t compatible in faith or morals– two very important things. Through trial and error, I’ve realized what I desire in a partner. I want to marry someone who inspires me and who loves God more than I do. I’m not looking for someone perfect, just someone good for me.

To everyone going through similar circumstances: Whether your season of singleness last several months, or an entire lifetime– don’t forget that God has big plans you!

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

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27 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. I’m 36 this year Jaclyn, and in the past I believed I would be married with children by this age. It didn’t work out that way. A relationship that lasted 7 years ended when I was 28 and despite one or two semi serious relationships after this I haven’t met Mr Right yet. There were times when I was more than anxious about being single. I used to feel like I had a giant red arrow pointing over my head that said ‘single’ and everyone could see it. There’s a certain vulnerability about being single. And people used to make the same comments of “when would I settle down”. The older I got the less they said it so that’s something to smile about. And of course as time went by I realised how great my independence is. I have lots in my life to be happy and grateful for and although I’m not willing to settle for less I am open to meeting someone special. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past so I don’t look back, just forward. And a good soul attracts wonderful people to share memorable experiences so you are destined to find everything you wish for

    • Annette,

      I am so encouraged by you. From your writing and comments, I can see your beautiful soul– it shines right through you! I love how you said it. “I’m not willing to settle for less but I’m open to meeting someone special.” Whether or not you do meet someone special (although I hope you do because that person would be incredibly blessed!!), know that you are touching people’s hearts with your life… I know this because you’ve touched mine.

      Lots and lots of love to you, my dear friend! <3

  2. Beautiful! I must have read this post 3 times. Every single thing, I have experience and shared with many singles in my life. It is hard to be single in this society when you start to get older and you see everyone else getting married and having babies. BUT, it is much harder to settle for someone that wasn’t part of God’s plan. Right? His Word tells us, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (jeremiah 29:11) I see my friends, that are married with kids or just married. They are all busy. Running around taking care of their families. being great mommies and Godly wifes. And yes, that is my prayer that I do want, But Jesus knows when that will be. I have the time, and the energy to serve God without distractions. Thank you Jaclyn for this post. Your words ALWAYS inspire me! and thank for the bottom of my heart for my beautiful card and yummy treat! Words cannot express how you bless my heart, I will be having some Starbucks and thinking you my dear friend :)

    • I totally, completely, 100% agree with you that it’s much better to be alone than to settle for something less than God’s plan. That verse from Jeremiah says it all– we have HOPE for the future through Christ :)

      You consistently bless my heart as well, Carol. I love reading about how God is working in your life. You are very welcome for the card and congrats to you for 6 years of steadfast faith :) Wishing you so much love today! <3

  3. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me, because until recently I never held any desires for a relationship outside of my (amazing) platonic ones with everyone I know. I never wanted to date, and I was adamantly against the idea of marriage. Now that I have been through a relationship, I appreciate being single that much more. I love my independence, and I don’t even live on my own out of my parent’s house yet. I want to live on my own before I get seriously involved with anyone other than God.

    I want to get a Bachelor’s Degree in Arts and then go on to get my Master’s Degree in Library Science. I want to be a Children’s Librarian by day, and a Photographer/Author by night. :P I want to create, I want to entertain, and I struggle seeing a partner in my future. I mean, I am not opposed to sharing my life with the right person if they come along… but I almost don’t want them too. I’m afraid that I will end up compromising too much of myself… does that make me controlling?

    I know I am capable of loving… but am I capable of a romantic love? Truly? Or do I close myself away in that fear. Is that why I didn’t cry when my boyfriend chose to break-up with me?

    Your post has really made me think of a lot of things.

    I know God has big plans for me. And even in the area of children, I have always seen myself adopting a child when I am financially able to support myself and a child… but so many people tell me that God created us to live with a partner. Does that make me wrong? Would I be wrong to try raising a child on my own if I am not married by the time I am 30? Some people say I would be robbing that child of their rights of having two parents… but I certainly think that one loving parent is better than living in the system. But also, what if I meet the man of my dreams when I am 32 or something and I’ve already adopted a child? Surely he would love me anyway…

    Wow. I’ve really ranted a lot. :P

    I just have a lot of emotions about this topic. I almost want to be single. Almost.

    Then I think of the amazing love I feel and see, and I want to feel something like that for myself. Honestly. From a person.

    Or something. I don’t know. I just have to put my trust in God.

    • Heather,

      You are truly one of the most fabulous people I’ve ever come in contact with. From your abundant talents, to your bold faith, to your fierce independence– you inspire me all the time.

      Until I was about 18, I thought the same thing you did. I felt like marriage wasn’t in the cards for me, but I knew I wanted to be a mom. I think part of that was my inability to accept that someone might actually want to be with me forever. I thought, if I admitted that I want to get married someday, it might never come true and then I’d feel like a failure. But, somewhere between graduating college, living on my own, and dating more… I realized that I do desire to be someone’s wife someday. And I became comfortable praying about it, writing about it, discussing it with others, and being intentional about the relationships I choose to enter.

      I think you’ll find more clarity over the next few years, but whatever dreams you realize– getting married, staying single, adopting, dedicating your life to helping LOTS of kids, becoming a famous photographer/writer, or whatever else your creative mind comes up with– I know you’ll pursue them passionately. You’re just that kind of person. I think your heart and spirit will change the world.

      Also, I agree with you on adoption. I think if a single person has the fiscal and emotional means to raise a child on their own– that’s fabulous.

      Much love you to you, darling! Glad you’re back to blogging. <3

  4. Okay dear girl, when I read this I see me in you. I do. You are fantastic reader and so inspiring. I can FEEL your pain. It sucks when you finish University and society expects you to get married but you aren’t in a relationship!

    I say tell society to bite.

    I’m just being a little bit silly with you girl. I just remember being in your shoes. I called my grandma and complained. She said, Julie, you are young and beautiful, go to lots of parties.

    It made me smile yet at the same time it felt sort of empty to just think about socializing. I wanted more.

    All I want to tell you dear girl is that it took me personally WAY longer than I would have thought. I had my first son at 35. So what? Aren’t ages just numbers? Truly?!

    God has a plan for your life and today now in this moment is to continue to love and honor Him through your writing, through your learning, through your sharing.

    May God put a smile on your face as you continue to encourage me to be a little bit better me today.

    Julie

    • Julie,

      Oh goodness, I love your sassy response to society and your grandma’s advice to “go to lots of parties.” :)

      You’re right that age IS just a number and I wish more people would realize that, instead of trying to make others feel bad for not conforming to one timeline.

      You are so encouraging to me and I have a huge smile on my face after reading your comment. Thank you for being so incredibly lovely!

  5. Jaclyn,

    You are an amazing young lady and I believe with everything in me that God has given you these dreams for a reason. Don’t give up. Hold on! And keep seeking Him. Let Him teach you those things of wonder! And I believe he will honor you for seeking Him!

    Always praying for you,

    ~ Jeremy

    • Jeremy,

      Thank you so much for the comment! I can always count on you for encouragement to keep pursuing God’s heart :) I know He’ll help you realize all your dreams as well– in His own, perfect timing.

      Blessings <3

  6. Jaclyn,

    I love YOUR blog, it’s wonderful! I love and support all uplifting, inspiring, encouraging and the just plain beautiful things in life. With so many bad and deppressing things filling up the world, why not make a difference by simply being positive and sharing that positivity with others everyday! Life may not be perfect as a follower of Christ, but it’s much easier to swallow, deal with and make it through the tough times with him in your life.

    I just turned 32 two days ago and I am also single. I can totally relate to all you’ve writen reg this subject. I am happy and enjoying myself, because I am getting to do so many wonderful things with my time. But, I too have felt that litte panic set in at one point or another in my life. When that happends, I simply turn to God as well, he’s the only voice of reason that truly has my best interest at heart. I never want to settle and compromise just because of fear of loneliness. I eventually want to find that person that may not be perfect, but is perfect for me. I want someone that will look beyond the cover and really take the time to read all my pages and be ok with all his findings; the great and not so great alike. So thanks for your encouragement and I know that if we keep God first, and stick to our priorities and morals. He’ll send Prince Charmin when its time and we’re truly READY for him, never before then. :-)

    • Ivy,

      Thank you so much for the uplifting comment, my sweet sister in Christ.

      You said it perfectly with this line– “I want someone that will look beyond the cover and really take the time to read all my pages and be ok with all his findings; the great and not so great alike.” What a beautiful sentiment! I wish that for you too and I believe you will find it :) Your faith and positive attitude are truly inspiring. Thank you. <3

  7. Dear Jaclyn,

    A friend who is suffering a depression told me that she reads your blog and always looking forward to your next update… right now depression also got me, so she told me to come here. And I feel blessed I did. You have a beautiful soul and I can see you are surrounded by love, and fans all around the world! Now you’ve got one more fan, here in Rio de Janeiro.

    I will try to follow your wise advice, you being so young and making so much sense, it’s incredible, but life is constantly teaching us these lessons, and I am humble enough to learn from everyone that crosses my path… truth is, I confess I am not taking things as easily as you seem to. I am 35 and when you get to this age, at least for ME, any relationship I start is because I want to be with that person for my whole life. Otherwise I wouldn’t even be his girlfriend, to begin with. You see that the guy doesn’t have same aims in life, you know it’s pointless to try. In my case I just invested so much in a relationship and it ended due to other people’s influence. He left me a bit more than 1 month after I got unemployed. My father keeps abusing me psychologically and I must cope with it because I have no financial independence, contrary to you, so I still live with my parents and I am an only child so it’s all on me. What can I say? there are moments when I just can’t see the light or any positive side to this, to my own life. It’s easy for me to wish other people well… it’s easy for me to see them shining and even help them along their paths, but for me it’s too hard to be a 35 year old person who has got nothing. I don’t even like to live here, as my dream was always to live in Buenos Aires…

    Anyway I didn’t come here with the intention to expose myself and my life so much, it was basically to tell YOU how special you are – this is easily noticeable – and that I wish you all the best, may God keep blessing you a lot and you will find your happiness each day more inside you – and that special guy will appear too! (I wouldn’t doubt that MORE THAN ONE will actually love you!)

    • V,

      I want to give you a HUGE hug right now and tell you over and over how special and loved you are! Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and sharing your story.

      I have a couple of Bible verses to share with you:

      “In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

      “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)

      “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you. When you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Isaiah 43:2-3)

      I’m so sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing right now. I just started a 30-day challenge called “Growing in Gratitude” from this link: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/30DayGratitude.pdf. I set time aside once a day to read the verses and reflect on the questions. I’ve found that it does wonderful things for my heart and spirit to be really intentional about spending this time with God. If you’re interested, I’d love for you to join me! We could e-mail and be each other’s accountability partners :)

      I’m wishing you lots of love and hope today. I hope people show up to support you in unexpected ways. <3

      • Just a PS… I hope God listen to your hopes and I get help and support in either expected or unexpected ways… I’m really needing it right now…

        Anyway I wanted to come back here and give you some of my favourite things in the bible:

        - Psalm 91 & 93 (also 6)
        - Ecclesiastes 3, 1-15
        - Corinthians 13

        (I have some others but for now I’ll leave you with these, which you probably know very well already!)

  8. Hello sweetie,

    Wow I didn’t expect to get such a fast reply, and with so many nice things… I am opening my bible right now to search for these verses, so that I can mark them and read from time to time when I am not here using the computer.

    As for your suggestion, of course I am interested, it’s a deal :o) I will absolutely LOVE to be your accountability partner! How can we do it? I don’t have your email, so maybe you can write to me on mine? I left it here when I posted my first comment and now again, and I suppose you have access to it. Otherwise let me know and I will find a way to give you more privately than here.

    Kisses and hugs, with love and light (this is the way I always finish my messages when someone is special, and you are already special for me!)

    ~V

    PS: by email I will tell you my name, and more details about me too. Promise!

  9. Thanks for this inspiring post. I can relate to it 100 percent! :) It encourages me to remember this His plan (and timing!) is perfect. And that each day is an adventure, as well as an opportunity to get to know Him better and continue to be shaped by His Will. Hope you’re doing well, J! I haven’t forgotten about the Q&A. Life’s just been a little hectic lately. I’ll be in touch soon. ~K

  10. P.S. Thanks SO MUCH for posting the link to that 30-day Gratitude Challenge. I am definitely going to participate. Can’t wait to see what the Lord reveals through that challenge. :)

  11. Hey Jaclyn,

    First of all I want to give you a great big hug! Second I want to remind you that a lot of this self talk is “Jabberwocky”! You are enough just where you are and just how you are. I do understand your fears and such. I’m 49 and starting over after a divorce. I have found that when I focus on the things I don’t have that I totally miss the greatness of the things I DO have in my life. I pray for you every day. I know God is working in your heart and that you are seeking His plan for you daily. Just remember that His timing is always perfect and you are one of His precious daughters. Ask Him to let you feel the love all around you and you will be astounded. I know I was when I asked. :) Have a fantastic weekend sweet girl. Talk to you soon.
    Jacqueline

    • Jacqueline– Thank you so much for the reminder and the prayers :) You are such a HUGE encouragement to me. I definitely feel His love all around me and I’m very grateful for that. Keep me in check, Jacqueline! You’re wise and faith-filled and I trust you. <3

      • *HUGS* You don’t need anybody to keep you in check hon. You already do that to yourself. My intention is never to scold or judge. My intention is always just to lovingly remind you that you are enough just as you are. And I have another secret to share with you….You are so much more than just enough. You are amazing! Your guy is already out there looking for you. One day you will find each other, maybe even over a cupcake! *grins*

  12. It’s true…God can bring someone into your life at any time, 24, 30, 50, 60 etc.! I used to feel the same way as you did Jac, however, someone said to me “Do everything you would do as if God is not bringing you a husband in this life at all” and it sounds harsh, but that put me on the right path… I started to do everything as I should, as if it was decided there was to be no partner for me at all. And then it is even more of a surprise and carnival of joy when/if you are smacked in the face with great love! I certainly had stopped looking for a husband when mine came along… made it even better for me to know that I wasn’t waiting for him, he was just there suddenly. BUT I was having so much fun serving others, bettering myself etc. before he came along.

    You’re a peach, just do the things God has set out for you as an individual. Makes me think of that story in the bible (I think in Luke?) about the talents… that basically if you take great care of what you’ve been given, much more will be given to you! xx

    • “Do everything you would do as if God is not bringing you a husband in this life at all.”

      That is such great advice. It seems so simple and yet… No one has ever made that suggestion to me before. Thank you for sharing that with me, darling!

      And yessss– parable of talents! I love that passage because it’s applicable to so many things in life :)

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