Ladies, I Need Your Help!

Lovely female bloggers,

I’m doing some preliminary research for a project I’ll be starting soon. I’d love to get your opinion on the following 3 questions:

1. What 5 qualities do you value most in a significant other?

2. What was most disappointing about your last relationship?

3. What qualities/traits do you consider to be relationship deal breakers?

If you prefer not to answer these questions in a public forum, please email me at jaclynrae01@gmail.com.

Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it!

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  1. #1 by ♥ regan ♥ on March 20, 2011 - 9:20 pm

    1. What 5 qualities do you value most in a significant other?
    Honesty, Honour, Humor, Understanding and Patience.

    2. What was most disappointing about your last relationship?
    Can I take this question to a different route? I can tell you some of the idiosyncrasies my husband has that disappoint me. My husband is defensive, all the time. It makes it hard to communicate if he doesn’t actually listen, and instead stays on the defensive planning his next remark. My husband is very self centered / aware. We’ve been married for years now, we’ve known each other for like 20yrs total. We don’t have “our” things, it’s always “Mine!” It’s really hard to share when everything is compartmentalized into who owns what. My husband is slovenly, like… beyond slovenly. He has NO sense of house cleaning. This is my number one area of anger between us. And finally, He’s not changing and I am. I sought out counseling to change my love and communication skills. He’s stagnant, and I’m totally changing. It makes it hard between the two of us to be a relationship.

    3. What qualities/traits do you consider to be relationship deal breakers?
    Liars. Drug Users. Alcoholics. Abusive, in any form.

  2. #2 by maneesha77 on March 20, 2011 - 10:33 pm

    Hey Jaclyn I emailed you! :) Good Luck with your project!! :)

  3. #3 by littlecurio on March 21, 2011 - 12:32 am

    1. Honesty, Respect, Compassion, Humour and Affection.
    2. The dishonesty and complete lack of communication. Mind games, jealousy, laziness.
    3. Dishonesty. Violence and Aggression. Abuse whatever the type. Lack of compassion for others. Immaturity.

    Love to see your project when it’s done! Hope you’re going well xx

  4. #4 by Tien on March 21, 2011 - 1:20 am

    1. Honesty, Respect, Commitment, Gentleness, Humor.
    2. Broken promises, infidelity.
    3. Any sort of abuse – verbal, mental and emotional, infidelity

    Hope this helps :)

  5. #5 by The Single Girl on March 21, 2011 - 3:05 am

    1. Honesty, responsibility, humour and affection.
    2. We didn’t have the same belief system, it made it pretty difficult for us to agree on almost everything.
    3. Abuse, and any misuse of my trust, i.e. lying, cheating

    I’m excited for your project!

  6. #6 by kitkat1126 on March 21, 2011 - 5:02 am

    1. What 5 qualities do you value most in a significant other?

    Ability to communicate
    Kindness/ Kind hearted
    Sense of humor/ Wit
    Intelligence
    Having an open-mind

    2. What was most disappointing about your last relationship?
    That the guy walked away when it got tough and just gave up

    3. What qualities/traits do you consider to be relationship deal breakers?
    Insecure
    Mean
    Pessimistic
    Lazy/not ambitious
    Selfish/ self-centered
    Ignorant/ judgemental

  7. #7 by shelbyisrad on March 21, 2011 - 6:30 am

    1. Honesty, Good communication, funny, loving, understanding.
    2. He didn’t really love me, and only wanted me when he felt he couldn’t have me. His family was incredible though and I hated losing them.
    3. Abusive, Anger problems, Dishonest, Hateful

  8. #8 by youngromantic on March 21, 2011 - 9:02 am

    1. Good communicator, solid in his faith, honesty/integrity, respectful/gentlemanly, intelligent

    2. Lack of communication, the fact that I had to do most of the work, and the fact that it was more meaningful to me than it was him

    3. Inability to communicate, unresolved personal and emotional baggage, abuse, dishonesty, immaturity, self-centred

  9. #9 by decibelbelownormal on March 21, 2011 - 9:12 am

    1. 5 qualities: Loyalty, fidelity, humour, affectionate, intelligent
    2. His selfishness, laziness and complete lack of financial management was one thing but the tipping point was the lack of time he was willing to spend with me.
    3. I consider cheating to be a dealbeaker. Trust is extremely important to me as I have a tendancy to be insecure, so I couldn’t stay with someone who I thought might cheat, it would drive me mad! Any kind of abuse is a total dealbreake and I hope that I would be strong enough to walk away.

  10. #10 by ashleykmason on March 21, 2011 - 9:32 am

    1. honest, faithful, accepting of me and my past, funny, passionate
    2. i allowed myself to be something that i was not so that he would love me and accept me. I became everything he liked and everything i disliked
    3. Cheating is huge. Also trust is a must. And they have to love my family and God. If they dont have these its a no-go lol

  11. #11 by barnavilleprint on March 21, 2011 - 10:28 am

    1. Honesty, loyalty, humour, affectionate, respect
    2. A lack of commitment and integrity
    3. Any form of violent behavior, cheating, dishonesty, selfishness, constant negativity

  12. #12 by Annette on March 21, 2011 - 10:32 am

    1. Honesty, affectionate, humour, loyalty, respect.
    2. A lack of commitment and integrity.
    3. Any sort of violent behaviour, cheating, excessive negativity.

  13. #13 by Donna on March 21, 2011 - 12:19 pm

    1. What 5 qualities do you value most in a significant other?
    1. Honestly
    2. Loyalty
    3. Communication
    4. Sense of Humor
    5. Love

    2. What was most disappointing about your last relationship? The lack of all 5

    3. What qualities/traits do you consider to be relationship deal breakers? Lying, cheating, negative attitude

  14. #14 by Jaclyn Rae on March 21, 2011 - 7:03 pm

    Thank you all (& everyone who e-mailed me) for sharing!!! :)

  15. #15 by Carol on March 22, 2011 - 12:03 am

    1. Oh, I’m I to late?! I didn’t see this post till right now! Sorry! Excited about your new project!
    So, five qualities I value the most are:
    1) Compassion.
    2) Love.
    3)Tough. (not violent, but tough in his Faith!)
    4) Honest
    5)Funny.

    2.What went wrong on last relationship: All the above where no longer existed!

    3. Relationship deal breakers are not having the same morals and the same beliefs like me. No lying or cheating of course. And taking themselves too serious is a turn off! Having a negative attitude. Having no ambition.

  16. #16 by emjayandthem on March 22, 2011 - 1:03 pm

    1. What 5 qualities do you value most in a significant other?
    humor … gentleness … honesty … intelligence … determination

    2. What was most disappointing about your last relationship?
    see # 3 LOL

    3. What qualities/traits do you consider to be relationship deal breakers?
    lying/cheating.. chauvanistic attitude … self-important .. mean.. disdainful

    Cheers! MJ

  17. #17 by Julie ~ jbulie's blog on March 23, 2011 - 1:15 pm

    1. What 5 qualities do you value most in a significant other?
    Humor, friendliness, loyalty, companionship, someone you can depend on.

    2. What was most disappointing about your last relationship?
    Inability to commit. Cheating.

    3. What qualities/traits do you consider to be relationship deal breakers?
    Red flags, just follow your instincts.

    Julie

  18. #18 by Shiku on March 24, 2011 - 11:41 am

    Just joined the bandwagon:

    1) Relationship with God; ability to communicate; respect (stuff like honesty and faithfulness fall under this for me); a man not a wuss ( keeps his word, takes charge of situations…etc); driven to be the best he can be in all aspects of his life

    2) It barely lasted long enough to deserve the term “relationship”…we both had too much going on in our lives

    3) Lack of the above 5 & violence

    p.s. Is it just me, or do we all want more or less the same stuff…hmm…and they say women are complicated lol…

  19. #19 by sharonvogiatzi on March 25, 2011 - 4:08 am

    Hey Jaclyn,
    Hope I’m not too late with this…

    1. What 5 qualities do you value most in a significant other?
    1. True to himself 2. Passionate about life 3. Honest 4. Open 5. Sense of humour

    2. What was most disappointing about your last relationship?
    That I fell for someone with whom I had very little in common and felt disrespected and used.

    3. What qualities/traits do you consider to be relationship deal breakers?
    Violent, mean-spirited, closed-minded, negative.

    Hope this helps.
    Best of luck with the project!

  20. #20 by Shayna on April 5, 2011 - 5:25 pm

    I hope to read about this project you will be working on… sounds great.

    1. I love his transparency, how he communicates with me, how much fun he is, his laughter, and his patience
    2. He was a liar.
    3. Liar, any form of abuse, doesn’t love me and my daughter in word and deed.

    Love your blog! Wonderfully interesting writing. Great job!!

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