I mentioned in an earlier post that I won’t be dating again until my heart’s aligned with God’s heart. I received an e-mail from someone asking for an explanation. I could not answer the inquiry concisely, so I’ll respond with this post.
Relationships should be about giving. People often say that relationships are “give and take” but I disagree. We live in a society that promotes independence, self-preservation, and selfishness. People often look at romantic relationships in the context of “what can this person do for me?” and not “what can I do for this person?” But, if both parties enter a relationship with the mindset of giving, they will both receive. If one or both people are not giving, the relationship cannot work.
If you want to have something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do things you’ve never done before. If I continue jumping from relationship to relationship, I will never become the woman I know I’m capable of becoming. God is the center of my focus now because He can make my heart more selfless. Being single is not about my independence– it’s about finding unity with God. It’s asking Him to extinguish the selfishness in my heart so I can be the best possible partner for somebody in God’s perfect timing. For now, I want Him to be my completer– not another person.
Our desire for independence can be fueled by many sources– pride, unresolved issues, pain from the past, bitterness, etc. People say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes time just prolongs our pain. Jesus heals all wounds. He fixes broken hearts, relieves our minds of bitterness, and humbles us enough to get out of our own way so He can use us.
I think God’s purpose for romantic relationships, beyond supporting one another, is that we would reflect His image to a lost, dying, and self-focused world. If we love one another in a way that is truly selfless, then others will want what we have. If we pursue peace, offer forgiveness, and live in love… We might just change the world. It’s been said that people who are hurt, hurt other people. But the same works in reverse– people who are healed, heal other people.
I will never pretend to know what’s best for anyone else. I cannot judge your journey because I have not walked your path. I just know that this is the direction my heart is being pulled and I want to share my heart with you.
To the person who e-mailed me: I hope that answers your question.
To everyone else: Thank you, as always, for reading and sharing your beautiful hearts with me.