This blog makes me feel incredibly vulnerable at times. I usually find it easy to pour the contents of my heart into a post, but I’m at a loss for words now. I guess I’ll start with simple truths.
Tomorrow is my last day at a job I’ve worked for nearly 3 years. That makes me both thrilled and heartbroken at the same time. I’ve outgrown my responsibilities, but developed friendships that are irreplaceable and difficult to leave.
I gave notice to vacate my apartment yesterday. I don’t know where I’m moving yet, but I have about two weeks to figure it out. I’m excited to pack up everything and leave 3 years of bittersweet memories behind in this studio… And I’m sad for the same reasons.
I started dating someone who’s been an incredible friend for years… And that has made other relationships disintegrate faster than I thought possible. I realize now that, no matter how much someone says they love you and value your friendship, some people will abandon you as soon as they can’t get what they want. No goodbyes. They just leave.
And everything God has blessed me with recently feels like the very same things keeping me from Him. I have everything I wanted, but all I want now is to curl up in the lap of God like I did when everything fell apart. At least when I was heartbroken I felt like some version of the woman I’m supposed to be.
I have everything. And I feel empty. So I keep telling myself that the only guarantees in life are grace and change.