Where I’m At

Lately, I look at my life and don’t see myself in it.

I have everything I need, and more. A stable job. Good friends. A wonderful, loving family. A studio apartment and a closet full of clothes. Enough disposable income to finance my coffee addiction, high heel collection, and monthly gym membership.

But, my heart is somewhere else.

I want to be a foster mom. People think I’m crazy to want that at this point in my life. I’m 24, single, and “should enjoy my freedom.” They tell me I have no idea how hard it is to be a mom and that I should wait and do things conventionally… Meet a guy, get married, have kids later.

I try to take that advice, to follow the traditional path, because it makes sense. But I sit at work and daydream about giving up the comforts of my life to work in an orphanage. I dream about loving a house full of kids who desperately need a family. Kids who desperately need to know God’s love.

I don’t know what to do. So, for now, I’m being still.

God, my life is Yours. If You want to shatter everything into pieces and rebuild it, I’m all in.

If  You want me here, I’ll stay. If You want me elsewhere, I’ll go.

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29 thoughts on “Where I’m At

  1. Follow God no matter how unconventional his plan is for you! Thats seriously awesome what you dream off :))) Be in the world but not of it :)) Your never to young, God will look after you sweetheart <3

  2. Jac,
    I see absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to foster a child. I would recommend looking into what you would need to do in order to qualify, etc… And then see if that’s still your heart’s desire or God’s whispering into your ear. Knowing what is expected of you is the first step and can take a lot of confusion out of the picture for you.
    You have an incredibly large heart and God
    allows us to share it in so many ways. Don’t let
    a few peoples’ opinions keep you from listening and following what God is asking you to do.

  3. I’m kinda in the same place . Waitng On God , and I guess that’s all the plan . God knows if you can be patient and wait, you’ll be able to be patient while he rebuilds . Take your time sweetie , keep loving life and God !
    Love your Blog <3

  4. I think you’re so brave to say you would be willing to be/do what your God wants you to. Also, do what feels right to you x

  5. You’re a very brave and wonderful person Jaclyn. God’s call can be a tough one to discern, and then a tough one to follow, but time will make it clear to you, and if it’s right you’ll be the given the strength to propel forward and continue to be a blessing for children. Meanwhile you’re already a blessing upon many people’s lives, so take your time, listen to God, to your heart, and hopefully if this is the path you do walk down, the orphanage will have a computer and you’ll be able to update us every now and then!

    Thankyou for sharing your light and your love. Make sure that past boyfriend hurt doesn’t push you into it, our hearts find a way of mending and somehow new beauty arrives in the end! But of course one can be a “parent” and find love later, so you wouldn’t have to worry about that either :)

    Still reading and wishing/praying you all the best, Rachael Elizabeth :)

    • Rachael, I can’t tell you how happy I was to see your beautiful face show up in my blog feed! You’re wise beyond your years & your advice is always right on. Thank you so much for staying in touch. So much love to you <3

  6. I think its a beautiful thing your heart and love for people. I would totally encourage you to look into the steps you need to do to become a foster parent. And I think you’d do a hell of a good job fostering a child. I know the foster system needs more wonderful people like you in it.

    I admire you and look up to you so much sweet Jaclyn!

  7. I just wanted to encourage you by saying that I am 21 years old and moving to Africa to volunteer at an orphanage. You can’t let society tell you what path is traditional. God doesn’t always work in traditional ways! If your heart breaks for orphans then pursue that! You won’t regret it. :)

    • Olivia, thank you so much for e-mailing me back! I’m looking into that program you told me about :) May God bless you & keep you as pursue His heart & His people. XO <3

  8. I remember being 10 years old and writing in my journal about desires to adopt or foster a child. Maybe even children. I’m not at a point in my life where I can do that, I still live with my parents and don’t even make enough money to support myself, but it’s a very deep-rooted dream of mine. I feel like this is a serious decision and journey, and that you have the beautiful heart and strength to do this. Just make sure that you are indeed ready in other areas of your life, not simply the emotional areas (though that is a huge one!).

    As you said, God will change your life when He is ready. Even if you might not think you are. Or, even if you think you’ve been ready for a long time. Look at Abraham and Sarah, who so desperately wanted a child and was forced to wait until God’s perfect timing. Whether you want to foster, adopt, or have your own children it will all happen with a greater plan in mind.

    You are truly a great friend and teacher,
    Heather

    • It’s so funny you say that because I was just thinking/reading about Abraham & Sarah the other day… What a truly great example of God’s faithfulness.

      I love you & your beautiful, creative spirit so much Heather. Every time I see my fairy wings, I think of you and smile. I hope you had a blessed Christmas season. XO

      • I did. My Gram gave me this really amazing dancing hat. It really dances! It sings too, but the dancing blows me away. It’s pointed and it has green and red sections, then when you push a button it wiggles around back and forth on top of your head while singing Jingle Bells.

        That hat might just be cooler than me.

        It’s amazing.

  9. A few posts ago, you said…

    “I gauge how I’m doing by whether I can look myself in the eye.”

    Do it. Sit down in front of a mirror and ask yourself the questions you need answers to. What truths will your blue eyes reveal?

    Happy New Year from Oz :)

  10. I know where you’re at. I’m drawn to giving up my comforts for a less conventional, less selfish life. This coming year will be the year that I do this in some shape or form, however big or small. I spent my early career nursing and I miss the privilege of looking after people. Your plans are admirable and honorable and selfless. I think whatever you do in life Jaclyn, you’ll light up the lives of others. I’m wishing you every good wish for this coming new year. You deserves miracles. xx

  11. Most mystics gave up family wealth and prosperity to follow the call on their heart. Mother Teresa had no worldly possessions, but look what she did with the help of God.

    Listen for God’s still small voice.

  12. I’ll give you in this moment what it took me 60 years to realize. Pray to God and tell him what you want and that will follow where he leads you. Then in peace and trust, fully open your heart and mind and I believe that you will feel it when he is directing you. I know I did.
    I could explain what happened to me but here is not the time and place, This is for you.

    God bless you and God speed.

    Bob Cloud
    signpilot@sbcglobal.net

    • That’s beautiful advice, Bob… Particularly, “Then in peace and trust, fully open your heart and mind.” So much wisdom in one sentence. Thank you for sharing your heart with me.

  13. I’m 24, single, love kids and addicted to coffee…let’s get married?

    Lol :P I bet that was the WORST way to comment on a new blog I’m following, but oh well…hopefully it will make you laugh. Way to give it to God! For me, and even though it can be really, really hard sometimes, giving “it” to God usually turns out to be the best thing to do.

    Hope you have a great week!

  14. Hi, Jaclyn, it’s been awhile. I don’t know what it is about you (yes I do), but your heart, writing and artistry never cease to give me chillbumps and tear me up. I think that when each of us truly blazes our own trail, it turns out to be a very distinct one from the rest. …P.S. Nate’s cute — and he loves coffee. :) xoxoxo

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