I Take My Fear On Coffee Dates

I’m not one of those people who’s optimistic all the time. I don’t smile when I feel like crying. I cry when I feel like crying. The truth is that life is difficult for all of us at times. If you live it right, you’ll face disappointment, fear, and pain. I’m okay with that. In fact, I expect it.

When something hurts or scares or intimidates me, I don’t ignore it or call it by another name. Instead, I invite it in to sit with me. I buy it a cup of coffee, stare it in the face, and get to know it the way I’d get to know an unpleasant colleague that I’m forced to work with. I put forth an effort to learn about it, even when I think we have nothing in common.

I ask it about its life, its passions, its reason for existence. I get to know it until I’m not afraid anymore. I investigate until I find traces of beauty. And yes, if I sit long enough and ask the right questions, I always find beauty.

When I get up to leave, I embrace it. I hug it and hold both of its hands in mine. I look it in the eyes and thank it for stopping by and for spending the day with me. Then I leave. I don’t ask to stay in touch or plan a follow-up meeting. If we’re meant to meet again, we will. If I need to learn this lesson again, I will.

So if there are moments when I don’t smile, please don’t worry. I’m not disintegrating, I’m just getting to know whatever is sitting with me. I promise you though… Even when the tears are falling, my heart is happy.

And, anyway, the only way you can ever really conquer something is to learn to love it.

photo via weheartit

Dream

By Priscilla Ahn

 

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me. 
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green. 

I had a dream 
That I could fly from the highest swing. 
I had a dream. 

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I’m supposed to be. 
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep. 

I had a dream 
That I could fly from the highest tree. 
I had a dream. 

Now I’m old and feeling grey. I don’t know what’s left to say about this life I’m willing to leave. 
I lived it full and I lived it well, there’s many tales I’ve lived to tell. I’m ready now, I’m ready now, I’m ready now to fly from the highest wing. 

I had a dream

Whatever You Are, Be A Good One.

Girl,
You are sensational.
What you have to
say is important.
It is relevant.
You are undeniable.
You are capable.
Indescribable.
Revolutionary.
You are beautiful.

-Gala Darling

My Life Is A Story About Who God Is & What He Does In A Human Heart

Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist is so fabulous that I couldn’t share just one quote. I hope you love her as much as I do.

I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.

To all the secret writers, late-night painters, would-be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush, or your flute, or your dancing shoes. Pull out your camera or your computer or your pottery wheel. Today, tonight, after the kids are in bed or when your homework is done, or instead of one more video game or magazine, create something, anything. Pick up a needle and thread, and stitch together something particular and honest and beautiful, because we need it. I need it. Thank you, and keep going.

 But I’m learning to just keep moving, keep walking, keep taking teeny tiny steps. And it’s in those teeny tiny steps and moments that I become, actually, who I am. We won’t arrive. But we can become. And that’s the most hopeful thing I can think of. Thank God I was wrong about everything I had planned. Thank God we weren’t on my schedule, because even though I dragged my heels and checked my planner every five seconds while I watched my life change in his hands, I really like the place we’ve ended up, and the things I’ve seen along the way.

The problem is that the worldview I’ve chosen has melted like butter. I had a plan, and the plan is gone. I did it right, in my own made-up system, and it all came out wrong…And I loved the plan. I believed in the plan, secretly, way more devoutly than I believed in the mysterious work of God. So now, out of desperation, I’m back to prayer. I’m back to prayer, sheepishly, because I couldn’t make my life work without it. I pray out of sheer lack of options.

I would never try to tell you that every bad thing is really a good thing, just waiting to be gazed at with pretty new eyes, just waiting to be shined up and –ta da!- discovered as fantastic. But what I know is that for me, and for a lot of people I love, we’re discovering that lots of times, not every time, maybe, but more often than not, there is something just past the heartbreak, just past the curse, just past the despair, and that thing is beautiful. You don’t want it to be beautiful, at first. You want to stay in the pain and the blackness because it feels familiar, and because you’re not done feeling victimized and smashed up. But one day you’ll wake up surprised and humbled, staring at something you thought for sure was a curse and has revealed itself to be a blessing-a beautiful, delicate blessing.

Wherever I Go, Whatever I Do, God Will Be With Me. Isn’t That Beautiful?

 

You Are Very, Very, Very Lovely

Sunshine After The Rain

My last boyfriend made me feel significant. His love lifted me to a place of security. I was comfortable. I finally found someone who felt like home to me. I found someone I wanted for keeps.

He dropped me.

He dropped me because that’s what happens when you need constant validation from someone else. You get dropped. You get disappointed. Then, something beautiful happens as your bruises start to fade. You realize that you weren’t meant to find your significance in someone else anyway.

Instead of searching for myself in God, I searched for God in my relationships. It took me a long time to make that connection, but when I did I found something far more fulfilling than any human love I’ve experienced. I looked for myself in my Creator and I found God-given purpose. I found passion as He daily poured love and creativity into my life.

When God takes away something we deeply love, it can leave us feeling forgotten and overlooked. That’s how I used to feel. But I’m learning that pain is often just the initial stage of blessings. God allows us to feel empty so that we hunger for a greater love.

Matthew 5:6 reads, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” I never used to hunger and thirst for righteousness before God got my attention. My spirit was malnourished, but I didn’t notice because I was too busy filling it with other things. Maybe that’s a mistake we all make at some point. We don’t thirst for Christ because we’re drinking in other things (relationships, wealth, job security, etc.) Maybe He uses pain to bring us back to Him when we’ve wandered down the wrong path.

The rain has stopped, the sun is shining, and flowers are popping up everywhere. My heart is bursting with gratitude and praise because I realize that everything beautiful in my life is a gift from God. He lifted me above my pain and set me down in fabulous, bright pink, single girl shoes. I’m thankful that I’ve once again found a love that feels like home and lifts me to a place of a security.

And I know He’ll never drop me.

Building Castles

I told my mom that I don’t feel like I’m doing anything important with my life. Her response?

“Some of the most beautiful structures were built by people who never saw the results. Just because you’re not seeing the impact your life has on others, that doesn’t mean God is not using you. Someone’s life will be better because of you– even if you never realize it. Trust that your life is a contribution to something beautiful.”

Isn’t that an incredible thought? I hope that image inspires and humbles you as much as it does me. If you’re feeling discouraged, just remember– God is using you to build castles. You may never see the beauty of the finished product… but others will.  

Inspired

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”

-St. Catherine of Siena

A Song To Put Light Back In Your Heart

Beautiful Things by Gungor

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us