If equal affection cannot be…

Let the more loving one be me.

- W.H. Auden

1 Year

I started this blog with a simple prayer one year ago:

God, please give me a mind that’s full of Your love and compassion; a mind that thinks of others before myself.

I’m so humbled that you’ve taken the time to get to know my heart, whether you’ve read since the beginning or stopped by once. I’m an ordinary girl with a simple mission: to love God and follow Him. I fail everyday, but His grace gives me hope for tomorrow. 

Thank you all for being so genuine, loving and honest. Thank you for staying in touch and sharing your beautiful lives with me. Thank you for letting me watch God work through you. Thank you for inspiring me. 

May your roots grow deep in God’s love ♥

Jaclyn Rae

photo via weheartit

It’s Okay To Cry

It’s okay to cry when you feel overwhelmed with gratitude, when life gives you more than you think you deserve. 
It’s okay to cry when someone takes care of you and you can’t believe how honest their intentions are.
It’s okay to cry when you are standing in a crowd but still feel the dull ache of loneliness.
It’s okay to cry when you find someone who understands you, someone who stays when you push them away.
It’s okay to cry when you fall in love with someone who makes you see the world in brighter colors.
It’s okay to cry when a loved one gets sick, when you’re worried about things beyond your control.
It’s okay to cry when you realize that life is unexpectedly beautiful and poetic, when everything falls into place.
It’s okay to cry when you are laughing with a best friend, and when you learn to laugh until you cry at yourself.
It’s okay to cry on the phone with your mom, whether you are still a kid or old enough to have kids of your own.
It’s okay to cry when you talk to God, when you’re driving or kneeling or writing in a journal.
It’s okay to cry when you need someone more than they need you, and they don’t ask you to need them less.
It’s okay to cry when someone leaves and you don’t know how to fill that void in your schedule or your heart.
It’s okay to cry when you love someone who will never see you as anything more than a good friend.
It’s okay to cry when you read something that completely moves you and changes your perspective.
It’s okay to cry when you meet someone who restores your belief that people are inherently kind and good.

Darling, it’s okay to cry.

[photo reblogged via tumblr weheartit]

Summer Goals

♥ Avoid gossip.

♥ Be sincere. Be dorkily earnest.

♥ Remember the big picture.

♥ Show love towards everyone (including myself).

♥ Show gratitude. Everyday.

♥ Treat people as if they were what they ought to be & help them to become what they are capable of becoming.

“When you give up on your dreams, you put God in a box. After all, you are His creation. He made you for a purpose. Therefore your life cannot be limited any more than God’s love can be contained.” 
–Nick Vujicic

Your turn, lovely readers! What are your goals and dreams right now?

Proverbs 31

I’ve always struggled with feeling threatened by other women. When I was dating my last boyfriend, I remember meeting his gorgeous female housemates and wondering if I should end the relationship right then, because he would obviously choose one of them over me eventually. It seems ridiculous now, that I would sabotage myself by making such drastic assumptions after meeting these girls once… But, I did.

I was reading through my prayer journal today and came across my study of the most enviable woman I’ve ever met: the Proverbs 31 woman. Remember her? She is clothed with strength and dignity. She laughs without fear of the future. She rises before her household and goes to sleep after everyone else. She works all day and still finds time to serve the poor. She is more precious than rubies. This woman is intimidating. I used to read that scripture and think, no way, God. There’s no way you can expect me to be like her.

This spring I participated in a virtual Bible study and read through Proverbs 31 every day for a month. At first, I read it and pretended like it wasn’t meant for me. God must have given that example for the most intelligent, beautiful, loving women to follow… Not me. Thankfully, God loves us too much to leave the way we are when we come to Him. He slowly worked on my heart and my final journal entry from the challenge said this:

Any woman who is a child of God can be like this woman because Jesus lives in us, and He fulfills the righteousness of God. The Proverbs 31 woman may accomplish many things, but it’s her love and reverence toward God that are most important.

I believed that in April and I still believe it now. The Proverbs 31 woman is worthy of admiration because she seeks God’s heart and that love overflows into the lives of everyone she encounters. My favorite part of this passage says, “Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.” I no longer believe this verse is intended for the “best” of us. It’s written for everyone. It’s written for you, and it’s written for me.

I used to ask Jesus for all kinds of selfish things… For repaired relationships, for a perfect figure, and whatever else I felt insecure about that day. But, somewhere along the way, my prayers changed. John 13:35 says, “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” To me, that means waking up every morning and asking God for eyes that see others’ needs, words to encourage those who feel lost, and a heart humble enough to reach for His hand when I need help.

I’m grateful for the Proverbs woman, and every other woman walking a path of peace, who show us that you don’t have to be perfect to love God. I’m grateful that God can use a passage of scripture to stir and inspire my heart. I’m not always consistent about reading my Bible but when I am, I feel the difference. God has knocked on the door of my heart for a long time… I’m finally answering.

& I Am Learning…

You cannot save people.

You can only love them.

The Least Of These

In many ways, my life has been easy so far. I’ve never had more responsibility than I should at any given age. I’ve been blessed with family, friends, an education, and enough to live comfortably. Until recently, much of my heart and mind was preoccupied with simple things. Like friends and crushes and which coffee shop drive to and who to see over the weekend and when I’d be able to get in a workout. But the older I get, the less acceptable I find it to think about myself all the time. The less acceptable I find it to fill my heart and mind with only the easy things.

I volunteered at a soup kitchen yesterday and it blessed me. I think the homeless population is one of the most misunderstood groups in society. They’re misunderstood because, generally, we’re quick to judge them and not interested in getting to know them. I asked the volunteer coordinator why most people at her site end up there and she said, “Lack of family support.” Not drug dependency. Not limited education. Lack of family support.

I pride myself on being independent, but it’s because of my family’s support that I was able to become independent. I have no idea how my life might have turned out if I had not been raised by parents who deeply value education. I have no idea where I would end up if I didn’t have people to loan me money between jobs. I’ve never had to worry about finding my next meal or a place to sleep.

Many children are born into a poverty cycle that’s nearly impossible to escape. They won’t have the opportunities that you and I have, and the worst part is that we’ll judge them for it when they’re grown men and women. We’ll drive by, glance at them, and assume they’ve made a series of bad decisions. We’ll wonder if they’re asking for money so they can buy drugs or alcohol. We don’t wonder if their mom was around to read to them when they were younger. We don’t ask the right questions.

Volunteering in a soup kitchen is not the solution to ending homelessness, but maybe it’s a step in the right direction. If we got to know “the least of these”, our judgement might be replaced with compassion. We might see people on the streets everyday and start attaching names to the faces. We might start caring to know their stories instead of making up our own. We might start confronting the parts ourselves that want to ignore the suffering going on around us.

I don’t have a solution. I don’t know if there will ever be a solution. I just know that we need to be more involved. I need to be more involved. When we get involved we become, in a way, responsible for the things we see. We become responsible for changing the way we think. We become responsible for caring about the needs of others. Once we see the faces and hear the stories, we won’t be able to forget them. We’ll start making space for them in our hearts and minds, between the to-do lists and mindless TV shows. And if enough of us start thinking about the heavier things going on around us… Maybe someday things will get better.

On Creating Hope & Celebrating Life

Sometimes interactions with strangers impact me more than relationships I’ve spent years building.

The various volunteer projects I’m involved in introduce me to strangers nearly every week. I become attached to these people, even after only meeting them once. I wish I could say that I get attached because I make a profound impact on their lives, but that’s not true. I’m a face in the crowd and most of them will forget me as soon as I walk out the door.

But, they make a profound impact on my life.

These strangers uncover the good things in me. The sincere, unguarded, optimistic parts of myself that get lost somewhere beneath the sarcasm and other protective shields I put up. These beautiful people give me more than I ever give them. They help me find the places of my heart that have become calloused with disappointment. They reveal the blessings in my life that I never bothered to notice.

Last week I felt completely discouraged and worthless, but I went to my volunteer shift at the hospital anyway. I was asked to keep a young woman company. She’s close to my age… and paralyzed from the neck down. As soon as I met her, I dropped my dejected attitude and became what she needed: optimistic and hopeful. I became her hands as I fed her dinner and colored pictures for her.

This girl probably won’t remember me, but I think about her all the time now. I think about how she asked me to dial her mom and hold the phone to her ear. Even on my worst day, I can pick up the phone to call my mom. Or go for a run. Or drive around aimlessly. I cried the entire drive home from the hospital because God blessed me with beautiful, functioning hands and I never even thanked Him for them.

Service is not just about helping other people; it’s about healing your own soul while you help others. You may think that you don’t have anything to give, but I promise you that if you give what you can… God will keep giving you more to give away. The more I get involved in the lives of strangers, the more I want to be involved. They unknowingly teach me about the really beautiful things in life and they help me see the really beautiful things in myself.

God gave me hands and feet. God gave me today. And I’m happy to have them.

Mercy

Some people read the Bible as an instruction manual, but I’ve always read it as a love letter. I’m convinced that this letter from God to His people is the most beautiful love story ever written. I’ve been studying Matthew 5 and I’m enchanted by the concept of mercy.  ”Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” In other words, blessed are those who passionately long for Jesus Christ, for He will satisfy their souls.

I used to picture mercy as a form of justice but now I see it as a form of compassion. Mercy is feeling so compassionate for someone else that you want to feel what they feel. It’s wanting to put yourself in the middle of someone’s chaos to help them get out. Jesus is the ultimate expression of mercy. He felt so much compassion towards us that He came to Earth and put Himself in the middle of our chaos.

As Christians, we should show great mercy to others because we already know great mercy. Cultivating a merciful spirit begins with forgiveness. As C.S. Lewis put it, “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”  When we forgive others, we set ourselves free. Free to show kindness and compassion. Free to fully feel the forgiveness that we’ve been granted.

I’m not an expert on relationships or religion. If you spent time with me, you’d know that I say and do many things out of selfishness… But, I’m working on it. As I work on it, I realize that I don’t need to do anything spectacular with my life. I don’t need wealth or fame. I don’t need everyone to approve of me. I don’t need to walk an easy road. I just need a forgiving spirit and a compassionate heart. I need to keep planting seeds of faith in my life so that I’ll have flowers to give other people.  

I keep trying to figure out where I’m going, but maybe I’ve missed the point. It’s not about figuring out the direction of my life… It’s about recognizing when other people are lost, and having the courage to walk beside them. I think that’s how God’s love story continues beyond the pages of the Bible. His story continues everyday. He writes it through you and He writes it through me.

How The Lost Get Found

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

– Mahatma Gandhi