Surviving a Broken Heart

Last month, my relationship with the only person I’ve ever been in love with ended. I could write about the pain of losing him, but that’s not nearly as important as what I learned.

The fact that it’s been five weeks since the break-up phone call and I’m still in pain validates that, for the first time in my life, I wholeheartedly committed myself to another person. Yes, it totally sucks… But it’s also exciting. I’ve had other boyfriends, but I always managed to keep my feet on the ground and one eye on the door. I had no idea if I was capable of really loving someone because I never trusted anyone enough to give them my heart… Until I met himI fell head-over-my-cutest-high-heeled-boots in love.

I never wanted that love to end, but it did. My initial reaction was to blame myself. What if I hadn’t started that fight? What if I had said this? What if I had been more patient? The “what ifs” can go on forever. In retrospect, I would have done some things differently but it may not have mattered. Relationships cannot work if both people aren’t fully committed and we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us too.

I can’t change the past but I can make sure that I learn from this experience. I learned that I can let my guard down, I can fall in love, and I can survive the heartbreak of losing that love. And now I’m that much closer to finding the person that I am supposed to be with. If I love my ex-boyfriend this much, I cannot even imagine how blessed I will be when God puts my husband in my life.

I know a lot of people going through heartache right now and I want to give them hope. It’s okay to be sad, angry, and whatever else you may feel. Dealing with your emotions is healthy. Sometimes the hardest part of a relationship ending is letting go of the future that you two had planned together. It takes time to re-write these plans, so be patient with yourself while you process everything. I don’t know your circumstances and I cannot take away your pain but I can say this: it will get better.

Now, the exciting part about all of this: (1) Your life isn’t over and (2) God has a beautiful, wonderful plan for you! God can see your future husband or wife right now, so pray for them when you feel lonely. I have been writing letters to “my future husband” for the past 5 years and those letters are particularly comforting on lonely days. I cannot wait to give them to him on our wedding day so he will know how I prayed for him before we met.

If your heart is broken, please know that better days are coming your way. Don’t let this one hurtful experience make you angry, bitter, or scared to love again. You want your heart to be in the best shape possible for the next lucky person who gets to love you! Instead of focusing on finding the right person, focus on becoming the right person.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4

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  1. #1 by Fernando on November 18, 2010 - 4:46 am

    Miss Rae this is one of the most profound pieces of writing I have ever read on a blog. I would not be surprised if it’s featured on one or more popular websites.

    Absolutely beautiful.

  2. #2 by apartandtogether on November 18, 2010 - 5:35 am

    Thanks for sharing this with us.

    “Instead of focusing on finding the right person, focus on becoming the right person.” So right!

  3. #3 by Jaclyn Rae on November 18, 2010 - 5:55 am

    Thank you both for the feedback!

  4. #4 by Chris on November 18, 2010 - 3:30 pm

    I found you today, and I am glad I did. Great thoughts for today. Especially for me.

  5. #5 by Jaclyn Rae on November 18, 2010 - 3:50 pm

    Thanks for reading! I’m glad you liked it.

  6. #7 by lunasealife on November 18, 2010 - 7:04 pm

    Beautifully written! Amazing how a broken heart cracks you open and makes you grow, no? ;)

    “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
    -Lao Tzu

    While you’re healing & evolving, check out this video: http://lunasealife.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/how-to-be-alone/

  7. #8 by Carol on November 18, 2010 - 10:01 pm

    This is just what I needed to read right now! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. You really spoke to my heart :)

  8. #9 by Jaclyn Rae on November 19, 2010 - 1:22 am

    Thank you for reading! I love both of your blogs :)

  9. #10 by Greg on November 19, 2010 - 2:03 am

    Jac this is amazing! No wonder it was featured!

    I’m following your blog now! Really inspirational! :)

  10. #11 by Kim Pugliano on November 19, 2010 - 3:04 am

    You know what? I’m in an awesome marriage right now but I STILL have what-ifs about my first marriage. If I had known then what I know now…what if I had been thinner… what if I had a better job…what if I was cleaner, or prettier or more attentive…but the truth of the matter is, I’m better off for having been with and then left him. It both helps and makes it worse that I bore a child with him – I’m so grateful that I DID, and he was a tried-for child and a loved child by both until I left – but I’m so sad that I brought a child into the world that would later be rejected by his father. It’s all part of life. Thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

  11. #12 by blada on November 25, 2010 - 7:55 am

    Hi Jaclyn. We’re going to send this post to a friend. Thank you for being for sharing your heart in this. Brent & Lisa

  12. #13 by pointnoreturn on January 4, 2011 - 12:16 am

    hei Jaclyn, reading ur blog, reminding me what happened to my life, i mean.. i am sure we had the same pain after the break-ups.. but as u said before, hope 2011 is better for us .. :)
    have a good day from Italy

  13. #14 by sora on May 8, 2012 - 2:35 am

    Thank you for starting this blog. I needed this encouragement today. It spoke to my heart and was exactly what I needed to hear. God bless you.

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