She Walked Away

It’s easy to spot the bad guy in Disney movies– he’s the one with an evil grin and a dark cloud hanging over his head. In life, it’s not so easy. The bad guy usually has perfect teeth, great shoes, and a wicked sense of humor.

My first boyfriend seemed like Prince Charming when we met. In short– I was very insecure and desperate for love, and he said all the right things. I think I would have latched on to anyone who said they loved me and called me beautiful. My fairytale quickly turned into a nightmare.

Nearly a year later, I found myself trapped in a destructive relationship. Bruises and tears were only the outward symbols of the twisted, controlling mess that my life had become. I was emotionally isolated from friends and family. I convinced myself that he cheated on me because I wasn’t good enough. He told me that no one else would love me. And I believed him. So I stayed.

Until the day I didn’t stay. With every ounce of courage I had left, I walked away. I slowly gave pieces of my heart back to God and, in His faithfulness, He put it back together.

You may wonder why I write about this. The answer: because I’m happy. I am so ridiculously, sunshine, high heels, and pink cupcakes happy. I don’t need someone to tell me how beautiful and special I am.  I don’t even need a Prince Charming to tell me that I’m loved. I am surrounded by love and grounded in faith. There is nothing more beautiful than that.

The girl I was 5 years ago would have never believed this kind of joy was possible. She didn’t realize her worth beyond her boyfriend’s opinions.  She didn’t know if she could stand alone. If you relate to my experience, please have hope and never stop fighting for the life you desire. If you think no one else will love you– you’re wrong. If you think you’re not worthy of respect– you’re wrong.

You are a daughter of the King of Kings and that makes you a princess. You were born to shine! And sometimes, sweet princess, happily ever after is just you, having the courage to stand alone. All the angels in Heaven will cheer you on as you walk away, in grace, toward something better.

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  1. #1 by shelbyisrad on February 22, 2011 - 6:18 pm

    I am so happy you were able to find joy. I can totally relate to the girl you used to be because I was really wrapped up in a guy who ended up not caring much about me in the end. But finding that joy through healing is so great. and I am SOOO glad you are so ridiculously, sunshine, high heels, and pink cupcakes happy. I’m definitely going to have to use that in a conversation soon!

    • #2 by Jaclyn Rae on February 23, 2011 - 11:57 am

      I’m glad you shed that guy and found one who cares about you because you, darling, deserve all the love and respect in the world! Thanks, as always, for the comment love :)

  2. #3 by punkpolkadots on February 22, 2011 - 11:30 pm

    I’ve had my share of abusive relationships, I stayed on for the same reasons you did. I felt he cared for my well-being which is why he hit me. He was being protective and just like a parent reprimands their child, he was doing the same, right? I was wrong.

    You’re such a beautiful, beautiful girl. I know despite you being able to face the reality of it all, it still is hard. I want you to know that love is ALL around you, every moment, everyday and like you rightly said ‘You dont need a man to tell you that’ but you know what? Someday, he will and he will be worth it and you’ll glad you walked away from this one.

    Lots of love love love and sunshine and good vibes coming your way today. I’m so glad i know you J, even if it’s just through blogs and email exchanges. You truly are sunshine!

    • #4 by Jaclyn Rae on February 23, 2011 - 12:01 pm

      Oh, Michelle– your comments always touch my heart. I’m so happy that I know you too. I can’t even begin to tell you how much your e-mail made my day yesterday. You bring sunshine to MY life :)

  3. #5 by Annette on February 23, 2011 - 3:53 am

    “happily ever after is just you, having the courage to stand alone”………This is my mantra. It perfectly sums up how I feel about my life. Thanks for re-affirming this for me. I really needed it x

    • #6 by Jaclyn Rae on February 23, 2011 - 12:03 pm

      I’m glad this was re-affirming for you, Annette :) I always used to think my “happily ever after” was going to come in the form of meeting the right guy… and maybe it will, someday. But I’m learning that we don’t have to wait for happiness– we can claim it right now, today :)

  4. #7 by MTFFH on February 23, 2011 - 9:18 am

    Walked in on your blog by mistake. I read your posts and am now I’m glad I found you. Just the upbeat, no nonsense, move forward and happy to be here posts that I so love to read and become inspired through.

    Thank you for being here.

    • #8 by Jaclyn Rae on February 23, 2011 - 12:04 pm

      Thank you for reading and commenting! I appreciate that so much :)

  5. #9 by Heather on February 23, 2011 - 10:12 am

    Thank you.

  6. #11 by youngromantic on February 23, 2011 - 11:09 am

    “sometimes, sweet princess, happily ever after is just you, having the courage to stand alone.”

    AMEN!!!!

  7. #13 by Carol on February 23, 2011 - 12:37 pm

    BEAUTIFUL! It’s so awesome how great minds do think alike ;) You and I have so much in common, Jaclyn. No wonder Jesus put you in my heart to read this post. Your words speak to my heart every single time!

    • #14 by Jaclyn Rae on February 23, 2011 - 2:02 pm

      I’m so glad you feel that way because Jesus often speaks to me through your writing, Carol. I’m very happy that we’ve found each other’s blogs and can continue to support each other as sisters in Christ. Much love :)

  8. #15 by Jeremy D. Crouch on February 23, 2011 - 12:49 pm

    “You may wonder why I write about this. The answer: because I’m happy. I am so ridiculously, sunshine, high heels, and pink cupcakes happy. I don’t need someone to tell me how beautiful and special I am. I don’t even need a Prince Charming to tell me that I’m loved. I am surrounded by love and grounded in faith. There is nothing more beautiful than that.”

    So, are pink cupcakes flavored like strawberries or something like that? (hahaha)

    More serious note: Once again I am inspired by your honesty. Once again my heart breaks that you had to suffer the abuse that you did.

    No, I don’t believe in Prince or Princess Charming. We all have areas of our lives that need improvement. As a romantic, I could blame Disney for making Belle look perfect….(LoL)….but I won’t. No, as a romantic, I must learn that the best representation of romance is God loving my imperfect self (and the rest of us!).

    You see, I am not a prince….far from it. Most days I look in the mirror and I see past the image and the things I have done and said to get to where I am today. I am ashamed of some things, though I know that I am forgiven. Yet, when I look in the mirror….I know God loves me….but sometimes I wonder if one day a woman could love me. If she knew the darkest parts of my heart (my fears and insecurities), would she stay? Because so far, they have left me. YET, He hasn’t let me. And I don’t need someone in my life to feel happy and accepted. It took me along time to get here…but I am so happy I could dance in the middle of a hurricane….or something like that.

    Hope this made sense. Thanks again, Jaclyn! :)

    • #16 by Jaclyn Rae on February 23, 2011 - 2:06 pm

      Jeremy– Your comments are awesome because they always make me think and I like getting a male perspective. You definitely make sense. I, too, wonder if someone could know the depths of my heart and love me. In the past, that made me afraid to be myself in relationships… I thought if they REALLY knew me, they would leave. Recently I realized that I was already setting my relationships up for failure by doing this. Heartbreak tends to bring a lot of clarity, doesn’t it? I appreciate the comment, as always! :)

      • #17 by Jeremy D. Crouch on February 23, 2011 - 9:45 pm

        Thanks Jaclyn! :)

        I think sometimes we worry too much about what others think. You are right, we set our relationships up for failure when this happens. We set relationships up for failures when we are not being true self — the man or woman God made us to be. My new outlook on life is, if they can’t appreciate who God has made me to be or what God is doing through my life, then they would never love me enough to become my wife.

        Truth is, though I long and dream of a relationship, I’m trying to let God heal my insecurities. :)

        Yes, Heartbreak does bring things to clarity. Because it causes us to focus, or should cause us to focus on God’s love. :)

        Something like that….lol..

  9. #18 by emjayandthem on February 23, 2011 - 6:40 pm

    “If you think no one else will love you– you’re wrong. If you think you’re not worthy of respect– you’re wrong.”

    My take and my experience? If you think no one else will love you .. it’s because you first must learn to love YOURSELF. Who are you to be less than all HE created you to be? Who are you not to be YOU – gloriously, uniquely, you.

    I’m enjoying the evolution and only can imagine the woman you will become… but thinking about it makes me smile.

    Cheers, MJ

    • #19 by Jaclyn Rae on February 23, 2011 - 7:29 pm

      Thank you, MJ. Your lovely comments always make me smile :)

  10. #20 by decibelbelownormal on February 24, 2011 - 9:34 am

    i clicked Stumble Upon for this post. I hope you don’t mind. I hope that someone who needs the strength to leave a relationship will find your post and gain from it.

    • #21 by Jaclyn Rae on February 24, 2011 - 9:38 am

      I don’t mind at all. Thank you for the comment. Have a blessed day. <3

  11. #22 by sharonchrisafi on February 25, 2011 - 3:53 pm

    I’m glad you had the courage to walk away and to write about it :-)

  12. #24 by Julie ~ jbulie's blog on February 27, 2011 - 6:45 am

    I’m lucky that I have love in my life. I just wanted to tell you that I read this with complete compassion and nodding my head with pride for you to be so truthful. It’s a sweet sweet story. You have a true gift, young lady, of offering inspiration. I can see right through your words how God loves you very much.

    Julie

    • #25 by Jaclyn Rae on February 27, 2011 - 10:58 am

      Julie– Thank you so much for the kind words. I really appreciate your comment. God loves you very much too :)

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