Painfully Insecure

I am excruciatingly insecure at times. Maybe you can relate.

I’ve always needed someone there to love me on days when I don’t love myself. I needed a boyfriend to reassure me that I’m good enough and, until recently, I’ve consistently had that support. After intentionally taking a break from dating I’ve realized how much I used relationships to reassure me of my self-worth. Beth Moore made a comment on this topic that stuck with me. “We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable. Beautiful. Desirable. Worthy of notice.” I see myself in her observation. I see myself looking for security and worth in the eyes of another person. I also see myself getting crushed repeatedly when my unrealistic expectations aren’t met.

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way. I see women all around me struggling with the same issue. I see it in women who remain in unhealthy relationships. I see it in women who struggle with eating disorders and self-mutilation. I see it in women who think they need to dress provocatively to attract or keep a man. I see it in women who constantly criticize their bodies. I see it women who constantly criticize other women’s bodies. We’re insecure.

We get tricked into believing that beauty, credentials, and relationships are the key to healing our wounded souls. These things won’t bring healing though. I know because I’ve tried it for years. I’ve thought, I’ll be happier when I meet the right man or when my body looks better or when I get a good-paying job. I’ve felt jealous of the prettiest girl in the room because I thought I’d love myself if I looked like her. Instead of eradicating my insecurity at its root, I’ve cut the symptoms off at the stem and wondered why they always grow back. I’ve dated great men and it didn’t heal my insecurity. I’ve starved my body and it didn’t heal my insecurity. I’ve gotten to know the prettiest girl in the room. She’s just as self-conscious as I am.

But… For the first time, God’s truth is screaming louder than my self-doubting thoughts. When I look in the mirror and think that I’m not beautiful, I hear His voice saying, yes you are and you’re mine. That voice reminds me that someone always loves me on days when I don’t love myself. He can’t text me or hold my hand, but I find security and healing in Him. I may be far from where I need to be but I’m finally realizing the beauty of all that He is… and I’m seeing that beauty reflected in myself.

If you’re reading this and you can relate, I hope you’ll start seeking security in new places too. I may not know the root of your insecurities, but I know that Christ’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. I know that you won’t find a healthier relationship anywhere else. I know that if His grace can cover my mistakes, it can definitely cover all of yours. I want that security for you so badly, my sweet sisters. I want you to walk in the truth that– no matter how old you are, or how much make-up you’re wearing, or how many men compliment you– you are sunshine. I wish you the kind of security that hugs you from within and makes you feel whole. And, darling, you will always always always be good enough. It’s time you and I start believing it.

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27 thoughts on “Painfully Insecure

  1. What a great post, thank you. I can certainly relate to this. I’m single and sometimes lonely. I’m often insecure and have to battle to remind myself of the importance of self-worth. At times I am my biggest critic and lack confidence as a result. But reading this restores a sense of love for myself and allows the light to shine on all my goodness. It’s sometimes too easy to cover the cracks and block the sunshine. I’m so glad you shine brightly and share it with us. Wishing you lots and lots of every good thing x

    • Annette, I see so much light and goodness in you. I think we all battle some form of insecurity, but that’s okay as long as we’re moving forward and adding more light than darkness to our hearts. I wish you lots and lots of every good thing too! Thank you for sharing your sweet soul with me. :)

  2. Every word here is just so true & applicable to all the women around. Our insecurities goes unnoticed. We want to hear good things about us from others all the time not knowing that no matter how much everyone around us compliments us, in the end its upto us how we feel about ourselves. We need to be comfortable in our skin & need to think that we are perfect just the way we are because God intended us to be this way.

    • I agree that a lot of our insecurities go unnoticed– most of us have perfected the art of hiding them. You said it beautifully: “We need to be comfortable in our skin & need to think that we are perfect just the way we are because God intended us to be this way.” Thanks Raey. <3

  3. I’m not a man of formal religious fath but I loved the sense of self-healing and invigoration that came through in this post. It was a heart warming read

  4. This is an important message for all females…In addition rather than getting jealous of each other, we need to encourage one another, just as Beth Moore’s writings encouraged you. Sometimes women can be so green with jealousy that they can not see clearly…

  5. Thank you. This post was gorgeous.

    I thought about it throughout the day. I thought about your word that are important. I thought about how people make me feel, how I make myself feel, how God and Christ make me feel and the sense of love I get from the people who surround me. I think you are right smack on that we must get our sense of security from within.

    Yet at the same time, I know how my heart sings when I hear certain words from certain people. Has God put those people in our lives to make us feel that way?

    I truly don’t know. I do know that Christ has performed miracles. If I were you, I’d check your text messages becaue I bet He’s texting you now! :)

    I believe that all things are possible through God.


    • That’s a really great point that I didn’t think about while writing this post, Julie. As much as we get security from who we are in Christ, we also draw it from the relationships around us. I think it’s problematic when we put too much pressure or expectation on one or a couple of relationships though.

      No texts yet, but I’ll keep checking. ;) I agree– in Him, all things are possible.

  6. i did that for a long time-looking for love elsewhere-…since i began to look within myself for self-worth and beauty i found it in amounts i had no idea existed…i love myself more now than i did back then because i finally found out that God created me beautiful and worthy.He loved me before i knew me.He still loves me even when i make mistakes…every night before i go to sleep He is the last one i talk to and He listens…thx for the post.its amazing.

  7. Women are much more insecure than men, I think, or at least men don’t show it that much. I don’t know why but women do rely on others to make them feel good and beautiful.
    Those who have faith have it easier, not only with insecurities, but with other things as well – there is always Somebody that we can turn to when we doubt ourselves or when we feel bad….

    • I think women and men tend to be insecure about totally different things, but that’s just an observation. I agree with you though– faith makes it easier to find security in something stable.

      Thanks for the comment! :)

  8. What an amazing post, Jaclyn! So much wisdom in your words! Thank you for that reassurance and the reminder of how loved we are by Him at all times and all we need to do in exchange is reciprocate by appreciating ourselves as much as He does and living a life to please him! Thank you, darling, so much for your inspiring words!!

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  10. I so needed to hear this today. I have been begging God to heal my self worth lately. I have been begging him to allow me to see myself through His eyes. I know that I will never be whole until I find my worth, totally and completely, in Him. Beautifully written and I will be sharing this with my girls this week.

  11. Thank you for sharing that. I needed to hear those words tonight. I am insanely, sickeningly, incredibly, and painful insecure…mainly my battle with weight issues. I used to cut (last time was 2007) and lately I have felt those urges again. It scares me. I know I am a child of God, but lately the enemy’s words have been louder than His….

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