I am excruciatingly insecure at times. Maybe you can relate.
I’ve always needed someone there to love me on days when I don’t love myself. I needed a boyfriend to reassure me that I’m good enough and, until recently, I’ve consistently had that support. After intentionally taking a break from dating I’ve realized how much I used relationships to reassure me of my self-worth. Beth Moore made a comment on this topic that stuck with me. “We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable. Beautiful. Desirable. Worthy of notice.” I see myself in her observation. I see myself looking for security and worth in the eyes of another person. I also see myself getting crushed repeatedly when my unrealistic expectations aren’t met.
I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way. I see women all around me struggling with the same issue. I see it in women who remain in unhealthy relationships. I see it in women who struggle with eating disorders and self-mutilation. I see it in women who think they need to dress provocatively to attract or keep a man. I see it in women who constantly criticize their bodies. I see it women who constantly criticize other women’s bodies. We’re insecure.
We get tricked into believing that beauty, credentials, and relationships are the key to healing our wounded souls. These things won’t bring healing though. I know because I’ve tried it for years. I’ve thought, I’ll be happier when I meet the right man or when my body looks better or when I get a good-paying job. I’ve felt jealous of the prettiest girl in the room because I thought I’d love myself if I looked like her. Instead of eradicating my insecurity at its root, I’ve cut the symptoms off at the stem and wondered why they always grow back. I’ve dated great men and it didn’t heal my insecurity. I’ve starved my body and it didn’t heal my insecurity. I’ve gotten to know the prettiest girl in the room. She’s just as self-conscious as I am.
But… For the first time, God’s truth is screaming louder than my self-doubting thoughts. When I look in the mirror and think that I’m not beautiful, I hear His voice saying, yes you are and you’re mine. That voice reminds me that someone always loves me on days when I don’t love myself. He can’t text me or hold my hand, but I find security and healing in Him. I may be far from where I need to be but I’m finally realizing the beauty of all that He is… and I’m seeing that beauty reflected in myself.
If you’re reading this and you can relate, I hope you’ll start seeking security in new places too. I may not know the root of your insecurities, but I know that Christ’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. I know that you won’t find a healthier relationship anywhere else. I know that if His grace can cover my mistakes, it can definitely cover all of yours. I want that security for you so badly, my sweet sisters. I want you to walk in the truth that– no matter how old you are, or how much make-up you’re wearing, or how many men compliment you– you are sunshine. I wish you the kind of security that hugs you from within and makes you feel whole. And, darling, you will always always always be good enough. It’s time you and I start believing it.